Thursday, 2 February 2017

A Study Break in the Cathedral

What do most students do when they're feeling overwhelmed or a bit stuck? Get very very drunk and make mistakes! Not me and Monique, not this time. When we needed a moment of clarity this week after a very deep, meaningful conversation, we decided to head for the Cathedral and take some time to reflect. I had never been in, even though I've been at uni for almost half a year now. As well as feeling calmer, we were both impressed by the instagram opportunity. We came out feeling refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the day.

Students! If you live near a cathedral, go and take a minute or two 'study break'. I promise you'll feel so much better when you come out.

Wednesday, 1 February 2017

A Weekend in Winchester

You know how wonderful it is to get away somewhere for a while and not worry about anything at home? I spent the weekend just gone in beautiful Winchester visiting my wonderful boyfriend at university.

What was one of the nicest trips of my life was also at first a challenge. I had to take the train from Ashford and change in London Waterloo. To a normally functioning teenager that would be fine, but I  of course am not one of those. I was as usual stressing about everything and was seriously worried I'd get lost in London from one station to the next (which is completely ridiculous) but I did not! It probably didn't help that my suitcase was too big, heavy and awkward. I have never been that far on my own before; sad but true. What seems so small is honestly such a huge step for me. Just another anxiety I have overcome added to the never ending list.

Winchester reminds me of being in Canterbury, just with a lot more hills. Everything is so touristy and I wish I'd taken more pictures without fear of looking like a tourist myself. It really is beautiful. We had an amazing walk and lunch on the Saturday. I met his wonderful flatmates who were so lovely to me. They didn't make me feel like an outsider which was really nice, I can't wait to see them again and I hope they can tolerate me coming to see him as much as possible! I got very drunk on Saturday night by means of a hilarious drinking game app and even more so on Sunday and woke up grumpy and hungover on the Monday, dreading the journey home again. 

The fact I don't get to see my boyfriend whenever I want to is just one of the reasons this weekend was such an amazing one for me. The train home on Monday felt like a funeral but it won't be long until I see him again and hopefully take lots more touristy pictures without worrying about who's judging me (including him, haha).

It was so refreshing to get away from home for a while. Now back to reality! 

Monday, 16 January 2017

University: Expectations Vs. Reality

When I started University in September 2016 I was full of anxiety, fear but expectation. I expected so much out of my uni experience and it’s definitely been a mixed bag. Here are some of my personal expectations vs. the reality of my university life…

Expectation: Your course will be exactly what you expected! Lectures will be fun and there will always be coffee and you’ll take really good notes and share the notes you make with your friends or be super organised and bring your laptop and you’ll manage the work load and never be behind

Reality: YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING! Lectures will not be fun because you will likely be tired, hungry or hungover and there will be annoying people who think they know everything or laugh like maniacs at everything. You won’t be organised enough to get coffee, your laptop will never be charged for lectures and your notes won’t make sense and you’ll be constantly drowning in a never ending pool of work

Expectation: You will go out almost every night and when you do you won’t spend any money. You will look perfect the whole night and your lipstick won’t end up halfway across your face. You’ll dance like a boss and not like an awkward bridesmaid at a wedding. No creepy guys will touch you, you won’t drunk dial anyone and you’ll be really really happy the whole night

Reality: You’ll go out no more than twice a month and when you do you’ll spend hours getting ready for your lashes to fall off an hour later and the makeup on your nose to vanish. You’ll get pissed on a bottle of rose that you pretty much downed in a game of ring of fire and your only source of alcohol will be stealing from other people when they’re not looking. By the time you get to the club you’ll be told to sober up because you can barely stand and look too gone to get in and you’ll pay ridiculous money to shuffle on the spot to Drake or the Grease megamix. You'll embarrass yourself on snapchat. You’ll end up buying drinks for your friends because you’re drunk and you have to show them how much you love them!!! and then you’ll moan all the way to McDonalds, have a vanilla milkshake in the flipflops the Samaritans gave you, have a little cry then sleep like a baby

Expectation: You’ll learn to cook wholesome meals and have the occasional takeaway but get to send your parents pictures of your wonderful creations and make them very proud. Everything will look right and taste wonderful and you’ll feel like a proper adult. 

Reality: You’ll barely cook but when you try to help in the kitchen you’ll get shouted at  because everyone is hangry. You can't afford takeaway. You will panic about the safety of the sausages you’re about to eat and will have to phone home for reassurance more than once. You’re the fastest at washing up though so there’s that…

Expectation: You’ll spend your time productively and always hang out in the library to catch up on work you’ve missed. You’ll have constant study sessions with your friends and you’ll laugh over your text books and will have your essays written at least a week before the deadline because you hate stress. Everyone will have everything they need, nothing will go wrong on practical projects and you won’t want to hit your course mates once in a while.

Reality: You’ll have one successful study session in Costa and then go back to procrastinating by shopping in TIGER, being clueless and dragging yourself through the term. Your friends will decide they’re ‘ill’ and want to stay in bed because they haven’t done the reading for the past five weeks. You’ll go in the library for the induction and be amazed by the moving bookcases but have a crippling fear about getting crushed and rely on the internet. Everything will be last minute. Everything will go wrong more than once and you’ll stress yourself and everyone else out. You’ll be average at best. 

Expectation: You will meet the love of your life on your first day on campus when you’re being all goofy and clumsy but cute and accidentally walk into him and you’ll drop all your books everywhere and your hands will meet and you’ll live happily ever after

Reality: You will fall over on your arse in front of a load of third years because the floor in your building is wet and your shoes have no grip and you won’t look goofy or clumsy or cute you’ll just look really stupid. But you will meet a guy through your best friend who makes you laugh a lot and cares about you and calls you beautiful and that’s better than an American cliche 

Expectation: You’ll make lifelong friends who make you very happy and treat you better than some of the people you’ve known your whole life

Reality: You’ll make lifelong friends who make you very happy and treat you better than some of the people you’ve known your whole life

Tuesday, 3 January 2017

Hello 2017

Happy new year everyone! I hope you had a fun time celebrating and eating far too much! I've decided to give another shot at regular blogging (after a lot of persuasion) without putting pressure on myself. I'm trying to be less predictably me/less stressed. That's my excuse as to why this post is being published on the 3rd and not the 1st because it was just nice to spend time with loved ones.

I don't want to talk about resolutions for this year yet. I didn't even set them last year, I wanted to have manageable goals instead. If I look back at last years it's pretty obvious that it's much easier that way. I wanted to makeover my bedroom and I did. I didn't do well on the saving money thing but I'm no longer struggling and I managed Christmas so hopefully the supermarket overtime treats me well. The goal of creativity was near enough failed but if I'm honest, Uni has taught me so much that I barley had time to create. I didn't get fitter or drink more water but I lost more weight, my skin looks great and I feel like I'm well and truly on the way to being happy with my body. Let's not talk about the goal to work on my blog...

My last goal was to find inner peace. I really think I'm 90% there now. I couldn't be happier with the people in my life, old and new, who have helped me on this journey of self acceptance. Although I wouldn't quite refer to myself as a 'calm and collected adult' yet.

There were so many firsts in 2016 from the big things to the little things. First time in a club. First time meeting my friends. First live television lesson. First time wearing coloured contacts. First real date with someone I'm rather fond of to say the least...

So, goals for this year? I'm not sure really. I certainly do want to get fitter. To drink more water. To be more organised with Uni. To save more money. But I think what's important is: to look after my health, to spend time with the people I love and to make myself well and truly as happy as I possibly can.

Thursday, 1 December 2016

25 Thoughts I Had On The 1st Of December 2016

  1. I don't care if I'm 19 and at uni, if Mum hasn't got me an advent calendar I'm going to cry
  2. I should probably start Christmas shopping now
  3. I can't afford Christmas
  4. I miss my childhood best friend
  5. I might become famous Kim K style just to meet Ant and Dec
  6. Why are advent chocolates so small?
  7. I really need to start blogging regularly again
  8. How on earth has Larry Lamb just been voted out of the jungle? Why is Martin still in?
  9. I need to sleep
  10. I can't wait to make new years resolutions I won't keep and write a cringy post about them
  11. I'm so happy I don't have work this week
  13. Should I dry my hair tonight or not?
  14. What happened last night?
  16. I love Joel Dommett
  17. I'm going to fail my first year at uni
  19. I have so much work to do for next week I might just hibernate for a week
  20. I need to hoover
  21. Who is Kiosk Keith? Where did he come from? Does he have a family? How much does he get paid?
  22. I love the people I spend my time at uni with
  23. I want to join a gym
  24. LOL imagine me in a gym
  25. I can officially play Christmas music in the car and not hate myself for it