FOTD #2: Majorca 2016 Bold Red Lips & Glow

Max Factor Facefinity Primer
Mac Fix+
YSL Touche Eclat Foundation
Mac Pro Longwear Concealer
Collection Lasting Perfection Concealer
Rimmel Stay Matte Translucent Powder
Mac Mineralize Skinfinish Natural
NYC Smooth Skin Bronzer
Benefit Hola Bronzer
Ted Baker Blush/Bronzer
Gerrard Cosmetics Star Powder 'Grace'
Urban Decay All Nighter Setting Spray

Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow 'Dark Brown'
Freedom Makeup Brow Powder
Benefit Ready, Set, Brow! Gel
Kryolan Derma Colour Camoflauge Cream

Mac 'Painternly' Paintpot
Mac Fix+
Urban Decay Naked Palette: Sidecar, Naked, Buck, Virgin, Creep
Gerrard Cosmetics Star Powder 'Grace'
Maybelline Lash Sensational Mascara
Ardell Demi Wispies
PrimaLash #415

Mac Russian Red Lipstick
Jefferee Star Unicorn Blood Liquid Lipstick 

(Apologies for how messy my lashes look in the second picture. I have no idea what happened???)

My Most Played Songs | 1-25

Song For Zula // Phosphorescent

I first heard this song when I saw the second Spiderman remakes and fell in love with it. There is something so beautiful and painful about it. It is a song that truly calms me down, a song I have often saved myself from panic attacks from and have since bought on vinyl. I also recently heard it unexpectedly in The Vampire Diaries and burst into tears. Trust me when I say that this song is incredible.

“So honey I am now, some broken thing. I do not lay in the dark waiting for day here. Now my heart is gold, my feet are right. And I'm racing out on the desert plains all night.”


Delicate // Damien Rice

I first heard this song in Misfits and this prompted my love affair with Damien Rice. Nothing makes me feel like Damien Rice’s music. His music is the kind of thing I want to drink wine to on a summer’s evening and also has been the background to many breakdowns. His voice and everything about his music is truly stunning. It’s hard to fault this song.

“It's not that we're scared. It’s just that it's delicate.”


Glitter In The Air // P!nk

Yet another song I found in a tv show, sense a pattern yet? This one was in the first season of Pretty Little Liars (and incidentally was the beginning of many couples and Hanna and Caleb’s first sex scene whoooo). It’s another powerful and moving song.

“Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone. Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?”


Dogwood Blossom // Fionn Regan

Similar to Damien Rice in style and equally as slow and moving. I first heard this one in This Is England ’86 and trust me I sobbed. The scene and situation was so emotional in the first place but the characters meant so much to me and this song reflects the dark themes in the story so beautifully.

“You say that you're troubled and you always have been uncomfortable in your own skin. So you contemplate the river bed, turn off the dark thoughts in your head.”


Blue Jeans // Lana Del Rey

The first song I didn’t hear on a show or in a film first! Yay! I did hear it in Misfits and thought it was used well but it’s just really great song and Lana is incredible in every way.

“But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know that love is mean, and love hurts. But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby.”


After All // Dar Williams

This song means so much to me. When I was at my worst with depression this genuinely helped me push through the hardest days. It also reminds me of the day I got my best friend back and we watched the sunset together on a hill and I cried. I can’t explain why it means so much but it’s in the lyrics. It reminds me why I chose to live every time I hear it. 

“Well the sun rose with so many colours it nearly broke my heart. It worked me over like a work of art and I was apart of all that.”


Another Love // Tom Odell

Crap. I had it together. Okay, I heard this song so many times when it was a hit but never truly loved it till I loved The Vampire Diaries. I never appreciated the rawness of this song until the Delena rain kiss. Wow. I need to move on from this already.

“On another love, another love. All my tears have been used up.”


Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting) // Elton John

I LOVE ELTON. This song is part of the soundtrack for my favourite film Cemetery Junction and it literally puts me in the best mood. Notice how rare the happy songs are? I can’t help it!

“Don't give us none of your aggravation. We had it with your discipline. Saturday night's alright for fighting. Get a little action in.”


Wings // Birdy

Daaaamnnnn Elana - back at it with the Delena feels. I will never be over this scene/episode/song, I honestly cried all my acne cream off when I watched it, I was such a mess. I can’t even talk about it…

“Oh lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found. I just wanna be by your side, if these wings could fly for the rest of our lives.”


 In My Veins // Andrew Belle FaceTime. Erin McCarely

Again a Pretty Little Liars sex scene but also in The Vampire Diaries. Just a really beautiful and well used song. 

“Everything will change. Nothing stays the same. Nobody here's perfect. Oh, but everyone's to blame.”


Pull Me Down // Mikky Ekko

Pretty Little Liars again. Haleb’s reunion and a really deep and addictive song.

“We could be king and queen of the moonlight. Two young lovers and when the moods right you hear me say 'I want you'”


Suggestions // Orelia Has Orchestra

Who’d have known so many Pretty Little Liars songs would be in this list? I can’t even explain how well this was used, twice in the show. This kind of creativity is exactly why I want to produce television.

“Was it me or his feelings? Me or his feelings that day? Cause I just stood there in silence, watched while my world blew away.”


Low Rising // The Swell Season

Annddddd… How I Met Your Mother has made an appearance on this list. Not only was the scene emotional, this song is so full of pain and sounds so raw that I fell in love with it instantly.

“I wanna sit you down and talk. I wanna pull back the veils and find out what it is I've done wrong. I wanna tear these curtains down. I want you to meet me somewhere tonight in this old tourist town.”


Young Hearts // The Shires

Young Hearts Run Free by Candi Staton is one of my favourite songs ever but when you really listen to the lyrics, it’s actually really sad which contrasts with the happy tune. The Shires’ cover of the song is stunning and reflects the real meaning behind the lyrics.

“I'm gonna love me for the rest of my days, encourage the babies every time they say: ‘Self-preservation is what's really going on today…’”


Heavy Heart // Madi Diaz

Back to Pretty Little Liars now, oops. Another emotional song. I often feel like I have a heavy heart.

“What in the world could it be this time now? I thought that I could make it a day without my heavy heart.”


O’ Children // Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Nick Cave’s music is incredibly dark and hauntingly beautiful. I found this song through Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 when Hermione and Harry danced. This is perhaps my all time favourite scene in any of the films. a) it really felt like Emma and Dan b) it is not in the books but works perfectly c) it’s crazily dark and uplifting at the same time d) it’s one of only two songs in the entire series which was not written for Harry Potter e) it’s the only time I ever doubted my Ronmione heart f) it was the only thing that made part 1 more exciting. Can you tell I’m a massive Potterhead? It's weird and complex and creepy but gorgeous. After hearing this song I fell in love with Nick Cave and I am so mesmerised by his voice.

“Hey little train! We are all jumping on! The train that goes to the Kingdom! We're happy, Ma, we're having fun! And the train ain't even left the station!”


Paradise Circus // Massive Attack

Wow. Huge Misfits moment. I remember bawling my eyes out the first time (not on the Delena scale but still substantially). It’s such a clever storyline and I’m a sucker for a clever storyline with a great but weird song.

“Love is like a sin, my love for the ones that feel it the most. Look at her with her eyes like a flame, she will love you like a fly will never love you again.”


Sweet Disposition // The Temper Trap

My best friend Charlotte’s favourite film is 500 Days of Summer. It’s probably due to her that this song is so high on the list. It makes me feel all kinds of summery.

“A moment of love. A dream. A laugh. A kiss. A cry. Our rights. Our wrongs…”


The Lady In Red // Chris de Burgh

Okay weird choice. This song is cheesy af and a little annoying and my dad seriously hates it but it was used so well in season 4 of Misfits in my favourite scene and episode ever. I will never not appreciate that.

“I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight, I've never seen you shine so bright, you were amazing…”


 I Will Let You Go // Daniel Ahearn

Another song that tends to be a bit of a heartbreak song but I found it in Pretty Little Liars. All that drama is addictive.

“I'm through living in question and dreaming the answers. No more paving the present with pain from my past.”


What Would I Do Without You // Drew Holcomb & The Neighbours

This is another of those songs that was featured in two shows. I heard it in How I Met Your Mother back when Swarkles was definitely end game (lol) and more recently in TVD at Jo and Ric’s wedding (lol). TV ruins my life. This song reminds me of my best friends.

“You got your sunshine, I got rain-clouds. You got hope, I got my doubts. Oh! What would I do without you?”


Without Words // Ray LaMontagne

I heard this one on the soundtrack for The Fault In Our Stars back when all I cared about was John Green. It’s a strangely uplifting song with a sad but gentle tune.

“I can hear the morning birds, light upon the branches and each in turn sing of all God's praises without words.”


 Song For You // Alexi Murdoch

I think this was on a Boots advert or something??? LOL SAD. I really like the lyrics and it has such a simple tune.

“And it's strange how you cannot find any strength to even try to find a voice to speak your mind. When you do, all you wanna do is cry.”


 Both Sides Now // Joni Mitchell

Wow. Joni is my absolute queen. Her vocals and her writing are that of a goddess and she is honestly one of my favourite women in the world. Write by Mitchell for Judy Collins’ album, her version is my favourite. The lyrics are so beautiful and well written and it was featured in Love Actually (what a great film?!) and it’s emotional to say the least.

“But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they tell me that I’ve changed. Well something's lost but something's gained in living every day.”


 Banana Pancakes // Jack Johnson

Another great voice and a rare happy song on my phone. I take this as my personal invitation from Jack Johnson to stay in bed all day.

“But the telephone is singing, ringing, it’s too early, don’t pick it up. We don't need to. We got everything we need right here and everything we need is enough.”


People Suck

Today, I woke up and I knew it was going to be a bad day. I didn't like myself this morning, something was off and that really sucked. I am a firm believer in having bad days and being okay with them. I think it's healthy. I had no idea that it would get so much worse...

As I got in the lift before my shift at work, I noticed a 60 something old woman staring at me. I see plenty of people everyday at work and whilst I recognise the regulars, it gets hard to distinguish every individual. But this woman intrigued me, I knew I'd met her before. Before I could so much as smile she turns to me and says 'You know I still think you could be a model if you weren't so fat'. My first reaction was shock and hurt but all I could do was smile politely because I was in my uniform. I now knew why I recognised her, she had told me once that I could be a plus-size model if I lost some weight. As I began to process what she'd just said in my head, she proceeded to continue with her backhanded compliments and finally finished with 'it's such a shame when a girl has such a beautiful face and a disfigured body. What a waste!'. What happened after that is not quite relevant but I had an awful shift, cried and had to take time out, struggled to fix my makeup and had a few panic attacks. 

Now I'm a thick-skinned person. I've been through some crap but I am sure of myself. I never react to body-shaming comments like I did today, because I know a) I'm doing something to change and b) I am a genuinely good person. If I'm being honest, I have worked so hard to appreciate myself and now I feel at a loss again. The sad thing is, this lady felt as if she was complimenting me and the fact she would say something so twisted and indirectly spiteful is what hurt. I'm still feeling extremely fragile. Especially considering I'm going to be in Majorca for two weeks on Monday and I usually spend a vast majority of the time hating my body and locked away in my hotel room, it's so hard to hear a comment just before I leave that brings me back to square one. But hey, I know that the bottom line is most people suck. There's a rare few which don't and I'm so thankful for them. This lady clearly had nothing better to do other than tear me down that's the saddest thing. 

Just in spite of that woman I'm going to keep going. I refuse to let one person's opinion of me and my choices change what I've worked so hard for. Your own values of yourself are always better than those of people who do not know you. I'm a better person and I know it. And so I leave you today with my favourite quote: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt said that...)

My New Vlogging Camera! | Panasonic Lumix DMC-GF6

I'm a bit of a technophobe. I'm at that safe level where you parents think you're amazing at solving all their Microsoft Word problems but I don't know too much in the grand scheme of things. So when I decided to buy a new camera, I knew it wouldn't be easy. I'm on tight budget, I am very fussy and I like to get value for my money. All I knew is that I didn't want to go over £300 (ruling out favourites such as the Canon G7x and the Canon Powershot S120 which I'd been lusting over), I wanted a vari-angle/flip screen so I could frame my shots when vlogging and that it filmed in high quality (including auto focus). I'd pretty much decided on either the Sony Cyber-Shot WX500 or DSC-H90 and decided to pop into John Lewis to check both out in person. I was still just as confused when I saw them and then my Mum called me over to the discounted cameras that had been used for display purposes. 

This was one of those. It was in the sale for £197 (with an RRP of £299) which I couldn't resist. It has a great multi-angle touch screen, the focus settings are great and I can easily remove and change the lens which is great if I decide to branch out. It claims to work well in low light settings and has a pretty powerful flash. Not essentially but handily it has wifi options and in general it seems simple enough for an idiot like me to use. So far the only downside I've noticed is that it's quite bulky but that's such a minor flaw because this seems to be such great value for money.

Maybe I've made a huge mistake. But I'm happy with it. Why spend a lot of money for the mainstream favourite if you're happy with the other options?

I'm Bringing Blogging Back, Yeah!

(I can't believe I named this post after Justin Timberlake lyrics but seriously I'm as in love with him as I always have been, did you see him at Eurovision? *swoons*)

Hello lovelies! (I say hello as if someone is reading, when in reality it's probably just my Mum lol) 

I hope you're all well. I start to write this post with no genuine idea about how it's going to end up. I wanted to do a life update but I can keep that fairly short. I've finished my exams and I don't think I messed up too badly, the exam board gods were generally considerate of my future. School's over, work is hell and it's nice to have time to do what I enjoy and express myself creatively. My brain seems to constantly be going into overdrive and I have to remind myself I have no more school work to do. That's kinda terrifying and a relief at the same time. I'm vlogging/filming more and I am slow on the edit wagon but I have tons to sort for YouTube. I am refining the plot of the novel I've always wanted to write and I'm so happy with it so far.

In terms of television, I finished The Vampire Diaries season 6 and it broke me (#DELENA4EVA). PLL started again and I'm so happy that stuff is actually happening and shock horror that it's good. I'm trying to get into Gossip Girl but like any show it takes so long to get good. I saw Me Before You and was a little disappointed it felt so much like The Fault In Our Stars which isn't even my favourite John Green book. (I must re-read Looking For Alaska). I also went on a spontaneous trip to see The Nice Guys and I bloody loved the whole film. Literally a 9.6/10.

I've had a few ups and downs. With pushing myself to go out more, my anxiety has been more and more threatening and I have felt a little swallowed at times. I had time off work and although my mental health apparently isn't a sufficient reason for time off, my physical symptoms kept me in bed a few days. By pushing myself, I've experienced great things (accidentally become a MECCA bingo member, talked to people I haven't seen in years, been to the drive in, had amazing conversations, redecorated my friend's bedroom). There have been awful things (having to call an ambulance for a very drunk friend, dealing with horrible people, taking abuse at work, basically babysitting friends, losing people out of the blue). My skin is better, my hair is worse but I'm taking my meds and going to therapy so I'mm trying. But all of it's experience and it's these experiences that make me such a complex and fabulous person. I'm so comfortable with the ups and downs now, they come naturally. 

Even today, I'm trying to better myself. I didn't go out to something I wanted to this weekend because I felt crippled by anxiety and I did a bit of overthinking which made things so much worse. But I know that I did what was best for me and that's okay. I'm planning my first clubbing night because it's a bit of a crime that I haven't been yet and I think I'm ready to have a go. Less impressively, I've just completed a £120 ASOS order (with free next day delivery of course). I blame Charlotte. I never loved ASOS until she did. Ugh, I hope I hate some stuff and I can send it back. Nether the less, expect a blog post on that haul soon.

Tomorrow I'm going to have a wardrobe clear out and detoxify my body hate. Year after year, my holidays consist of stress and body unhappiness. And year after year I vow to change that. I'm really going to make an effort this year and I think I'm even gonna vlog it all. With exciting outfits and makeup to slay and yeah, I'm going to try my best to have a great holiday. As of tomorrow I'm picking myself up again because that's all I can do. But basically, in a nutshell, I'm back.