People Suck

Today, I woke up and I knew it was going to be a bad day. I didn't like myself this morning, something was off and that really sucked. I am a firm believer in having bad days and being okay with them. I think it's healthy. I had no idea that it would get so much worse...

As I got in the lift before my shift at work, I noticed a 60 something old woman staring at me. I see plenty of people everyday at work and whilst I recognise the regulars, it gets hard to distinguish every individual. But this woman intrigued me, I knew I'd met her before. Before I could so much as smile she turns to me and says 'You know I still think you could be a model if you weren't so fat'. My first reaction was shock and hurt but all I could do was smile politely because I was in my uniform. I now knew why I recognised her, she had told me once that I could be a plus-size model if I lost some weight. As I began to process what she'd just said in my head, she proceeded to continue with her backhanded compliments and finally finished with 'it's such a shame when a girl has such a beautiful face and a disfigured body. What a waste!'. What happened after that is not quite relevant but I had an awful shift, cried and had to take time out, struggled to fix my makeup and had a few panic attacks. 

Now I'm a thick-skinned person. I've been through some crap but I am sure of myself. I never react to body-shaming comments like I did today, because I know a) I'm doing something to change and b) I am a genuinely good person. If I'm being honest, I have worked so hard to appreciate myself and now I feel at a loss again. The sad thing is, this lady felt as if she was complimenting me and the fact she would say something so twisted and indirectly spiteful is what hurt. I'm still feeling extremely fragile. Especially considering I'm going to be in Majorca for two weeks on Monday and I usually spend a vast majority of the time hating my body and locked away in my hotel room, it's so hard to hear a comment just before I leave that brings me back to square one. But hey, I know that the bottom line is most people suck. There's a rare few which don't and I'm so thankful for them. This lady clearly had nothing better to do other than tear me down that's the saddest thing. 

Just in spite of that woman I'm going to keep going. I refuse to let one person's opinion of me and my choices change what I've worked so hard for. Your own values of yourself are always better than those of people who do not know you. I'm a better person and I know it. And so I leave you today with my favourite quote: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt said that...)

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