How To: Holiday Confidence

I'm in Majorca right now, arguably my favourite place second only to bed on bad days. Every year, my holidays have made me anxious because of my body, my thyroid, my mental health and above all my completely overwhelming obsession to compare myself to every single girl around me.

But this year is different. This year I'm happy. This year I love my curves and I like my face and I don't mind my stomach so much because it's just a 'food receipt' of all the wonderful things I enjoyed eating. Yes, my thighs chafe when it's hot and I forget to moisturise. Yes, boob sweat is a real issue only made worse by going braless. And yes, I wobble on a sun lounger and in the pool. But who doesn't feel vulnerable in a bikini anymore? Who isn't afraid to show off her best assets by losing the bra sometimes? Who isn't ashamed of the fact she can eat and drink like a middle-aged American man in a hotdog eating contest? Who's happy being a size 14 sometimes 12, sometimes 16 - sometimes something else entirely? Who's comfortable with the back fat and cellulite and the scars? Who's learned that none of this defines me? Me. 

Everyone thinks their legs flatten out to the size of Africa when they sit down, everyone gets fat rolls when they sit down, everyone has cellulite or scars or marks that make them less 'instagrammable'. And not hiding it makes me realise my strength even more.

So here it is, my tip for ultimate holiday confidence: As much as I love to get glam and hide all my imperfections which is totally okay too, what's even more liberating is wearing a dress that shows all of me: the good, the bad, the strong, the weak and everything in between. 

From one extreme to the other, last night I stood on our balcony, makeup less, in my underwear and an oversized shirt and realised that finally, I do not care. I know my worth. As long as I remember this feeling next time I feel 'fat' or weak or insecure, knowing I'm flawed and imperfect but strong because of it, then nothing can stop me.

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